


Coda: First Born

by letmegeekatyou



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-18
Updated: 2014-02-18
Packaged: 2018-01-12 21:36:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1201528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letmegeekatyou/pseuds/letmegeekatyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is on the road, his own words about how poisonous he is still fresh in his mind and the mark of Cain still fresh on his arm. But he misses home more than he'd admit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coda: First Born

Dean hadn’t bothered unwrapping the plastic cups from the motel bathroom. They really only slowed him down, and didn’t that kinda defeat the purpose, anyway, when you were trying to get as drunk as possible in the shortest amount of time? He hadn’t bothered thinking about what Sam would say, either. Probably something obnoxious about the long term effects of alcohol on the liver. Or maybe he’d tell him to just down the whole bottle, “I’m not going to stop you.”

It didn’t matter. As long as Sam was far away, as long as Cas was looking after him, it didn’t matter what Dean did or didn’t do or drank or didn’t drink. So he’d keep going for now, find Abaddon and put her down for good, and maybe Crowley, too, while he’s at it, and then…

He almost toppled the bottle over picking it up from the rickety motel table. It wasn’t particularly good, but it was doing the trick. Drown it, Dean. That little ache, that thought of home? It’s weakness. Suck it up, boy, his dad would say. You’ve got work to do, and they’re fine. Good even. Better off without you.

The neon lights from outside were seeping in around the blinds, turning the room shades of orange and green. Dean was suddenly aware of the emptiness of the place, the empty rooms, the mostly empty parking lot, a back woods kind of place that barely saw visitors any time of year, much less in the grey cold of winter. He felt a sudden urge to talk to somebody.

If he’d had to call, he might have been able to resist the urge. The thought of digging around his duffel bag for the phone, dialing, having to hear Sam’s voice… It was too much work, too deliberate. Too much like caring. But he didn’t have to, did he? The neon was making him sick to his stomach, and he tried to stand up to close the blinds farther, then thought the better of it and poured himself onto the floor instead, throwing an arm over the bed and turning his face into the merciful darkness of the bedspread.

Somehow, in the dark, by the bed, it was easier.

"Cas?" he hated the hesitation in his voice, and he hugged the bed tighter, like a life raft in the middle of an ocean.

"Listen, man, stay put, okay? Don’t go zapping off and worrying Sam. I’m fine. Just, uh, I just wanted…" What did he want? Dean wasn’t sure. A moment ago he had felt so desperately far away from everything, helpless and worried, but he wasn’t sure why and he wasn’t sure what he needed now.

"I’m fine," he repeated. "Look, thanks for staying with Sam. For looking after him." When I ran away, he thought. “You guys take care of each other, okay? I’m fine.” His head felt heavy against the mattress. He didn’t want to ‘hang up,’ whatever that even meant when you were praying, but he was out of things to say.

"I’m fine," he repeated one more time, and he felt himself drifting off, barely caring that sleeping like this would leave him stiff and sore. Sleep was a mercy. It shut out those sickening lights.

***

Can’t be much farther, he thought, watching the rain crash against the windshield. It was too dark to see very far ahead, making it feel like he was driving around and around a giant hamster wheel, trying to get…somewhere, but where? It was important. Very important, he knew from the pounding of his heart; he needed Sammy, needed help because…

"Hello, Dean."

"Jesus, Cas! Could you not do that when I’m driving?” The angel looked perplexed.

"This is…not where I expected to find you. Where are you going?"

"Going to pick up Sam." A brief flash of lightning revealed that the road was narrow, crowded on either side by pine trees.

"Why?" And as soon as Cas asked, Dean remembered.

"Dad. He’s on a hunting trip. Hasn’t been home in—oh." Dean still felt the need to keep driving, the urgency of getting where he was going, but his heart slowed. "I’m dreaming, aren’t I?"

"Yes. I had expected to find you fishing again, but this makes sense."

"Not even going to ask what that means, Freud. Okay, so, what are you doing in my dream? Shouldn’t you be with Sam?”

"I came because you called. Well, more or less. And to tell you that Sam is fine, that his healing is complete."

The rain eased up a little, but Dean kept his eyes on the road.

"How are you, Dean?” He could feel Cas’s eyes on him.

"I’m fine."

"Yes, so you said. A number of times. I can tell when you’re lying, Dean; I’ve actually become quite good at it."

"What do you want me to say, Cas?"

"I want you to say you’ll come home." And now Dean did look at him, and was that ever a mistake. Because this was Cas, riding shotgun and telling him what to do and staring at him in that Cas kind of way, and it made him so homesick he almost couldn’t breathe.

"I got a job to do," he finally managed to say. "I’ve messed up a lot, Cas, and I can’t make it right, but I can do the job that’s in front of me and make sure nobody else gets hurt while I do. I got things to make up for."

"Yes, there seems to be a lot of that going around." Cas sighed, and Dean shot him a look. "Dean, has it ever occurred to you that you owe us a debt? Me and Sam? That you owe us the courtesy of letting us decide for ourselves whether to continue putting up with you?”

Dean gripped the wheel tighter, then jerked it to the side to pull off onto the shoulder. He turned to look at Cas.

"Now just what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you are a…a stubborn son of a bitch, Dean Winchester. It means that we would choose to have you with us, whether you like it or not. Because Sam needs his brother. And because he is teaching me the proper way to reciprocate a hug, and I would like to show you what I’ve learned. So stop being selfish and come home."

Cas vanished with a scowl and Dean found himself gaping at an empty seat and the dark woods beyond. He leaned his head on the steering wheel. Goddammit.

***

When he woke up, his head was still leaning against the mattress, and it ached. The first rays of sunlight were starting to creep across the room, filling but not warming its empty corners. His chest tightened as he remembered Cas’s last words. Come home. 

But Dean couldn’t help but notice how the light came through the blinds, falling on his arm, still stretched out in front of him on the bed. The mark that Cain had given him glowed faintly red, and Dean was reminded of the demon’s warning. If he had been poison before, how much more dangerous had he become now? He reached for the bottle on the table above him, but he must have knocked it over as he fumbled his way onto the floor the night before, and all that was left was a sticky puddle in the motel carpet.

Home was farther away than it had ever been.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by http://sammysalive.tumblr.com/post/74234250507/frecklstiel-dean-winchester-in-9x11-first
> 
> Original posted at http://sammysalive.tumblr.com/post/74245147993/coda-9x11


End file.
